I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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