dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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