Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
