thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
