remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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