im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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