just tell him i said nine months
dude i'm inner monologue high
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
