she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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