I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
