Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
