It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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