we have pet lesbian snakes
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
