If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
