My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
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