I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
nutella sex= disaster
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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