the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
