East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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