That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
