did you get engaged???
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Randomize
