I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
