There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
