My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
BRING THE BAGELS
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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