I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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