You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Randomize
