Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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