good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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