I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
