I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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