My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
