Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
