Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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