you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
