I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
