are you so shy because you have an std?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
