stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
