So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Randomize
