if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
