Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Randomize
