It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
