i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
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