i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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