I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
