Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
