I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
