I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Randomize
