just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
