god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
