When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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