we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Randomize
