He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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