omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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