Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
